I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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