Umm I'm too high to move.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
