Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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