They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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