You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize