All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
