eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
vagina is talking i cant
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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