so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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