hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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