we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize