Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
