you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
