I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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