how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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