I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
