Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
