pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
