where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
