Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
