I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
