just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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