I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
