I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
