He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
