I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
