but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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