How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Randomize
