I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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