Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
