I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
