Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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