i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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