The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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