No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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