We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I want to be your penis for a week.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
