he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
