That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
