I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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