thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize