Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
