is your mom at the bar?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
