Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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