i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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