were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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