he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
