A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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