she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
