So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize