Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
