who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
