how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
