Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
COCAINE IS GR8
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
