Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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