Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
nutella sex= disaster
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
