i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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