the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
