How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
