these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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