i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
