he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
