I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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