I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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