Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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