I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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