All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
