He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
