guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
