Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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