I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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