Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
