I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
