He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize