when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
