I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
