I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I love you. Go after that dick
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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