Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
