bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
