i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize