This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
