I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
