Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
