doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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