There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
