Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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