What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
