i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize