I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
