You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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