also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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