I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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