I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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