after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
