Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize