well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sorry my hands just texted you
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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