like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
