Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
