Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
