wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
