He asked me if I "almost moaned"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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