Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize