Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
