he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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