I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize