i think my mom watched the whole time
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize