We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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