Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize